Japanese:
無言の眠り
二零零一年五月十二日午前八時サ三十分
鳴り止まない電話、不吉な感覚、それは前ぶれもなく始まる。
突然すぎる出来事は僕に無言の痛みを与えた
それを理解するのに時間はそうかからなかった
今さらどうすることも出来ないのは分かってる
今さらどうすることも出来ないから何も言えない
無言で生まれる腹たしさに僕は無言に溺れる
五月十三日
未だ意識不明、状況は何も変わらない
生か死かそれは五十パーセントの確率らしい
心の中では「必ずたすかる」
そう思わないと無言に溺れるからだ
そんな時でも自分のことを考えてる僕は卑怯ですか？
面会は11時から12時 1時から2時 3時から4時 7時から8時
ただ怖いただ顔を見たくないきっと助かるよ
そうやって自分から逃げている僕は卑怯物で弱虫です
五月十四日
未だ意識不明、状況は何も変わらない
ただ重く、痛く、暗い
五月十五日
彼女がお守りを大事に握ってる
彼女が泣いている、何も言えない、無力に見つめるだけの僕です
彼女に「元気出せよ」の一言も言えないまま彼女は病院へ向かう
その後ろ姿が全てを物語る
五月十六日
未だ意識不明、状況は変わる
助かる確率は十パーセントに下がり
京都では葬式の段取りにかかろうとしている
未だ僕は面会には行っていない、いつまで僕は逃げる
十六時彼女に電話をかける
「明日の1時か3時に面会に行きます」
電話を切った後
こうして今までの気持ちを忘れないように書いているのだ
未だ無言に痛い
English:
Sleep of silence
May 12, 2001, 8:30 a.m.
The endlessly ringing phone, the ominous feeling, it doesn’t seem like an omen at first.
The too-sudden incident bestowed me with pain.
Understanding took no time at all.
Finally, I understand that I have no control.
Finally, because I have no control, I say nothing.
My mind was born in silence, I drown in silence.
The endlessly ringing phone, the ominous feeling, it doesn’t seem like an omen at first.
The too-sudden incident bestowed me with pain.
Understanding took no time at all.
Finally, I understand that I have no control.
Finally, because I have no control, I say nothing.
My mind was born in silence, I drown in silence.
May 13
Still unconscious, the situation remains unchanged.
The likelihood of life or death is 50%.
My heart says “I will surely be saved.”
I don’t think because I am drowning in the silence.
To be thinking of myself at such a time, does that make me a coward?
Interviews, from 11:00 to 12:00, 1:00 to 2:00, 3:00 to 4:00, 7:00 to 8:00.
It was just scary, I just didn’t want to look at their faces, surely I will be saved.
In so doing, escaping from myself, I am a coward and a weakling.
Still unconscious, the situation remains unchanged.
The likelihood of life or death is 50%.
My heart says “I will surely be saved.”
I don’t think because I am drowning in the silence.
To be thinking of myself at such a time, does that make me a coward?
Interviews, from 11:00 to 12:00, 1:00 to 2:00, 3:00 to 4:00, 7:00 to 8:00.
It was just scary, I just didn’t want to look at their faces, surely I will be saved.
In so doing, escaping from myself, I am a coward and a weakling.
May 14
Still unconscious, the situation remains unchanged.
Just heavily, painfully dark.
Still unconscious, the situation remains unchanged.
Just heavily, painfully dark.
May 15
The girl is tightly clutching the amulet.
The girl is crying, not saying anything; I just stare, helpless.
I can’t even say “Cheer up” to her, not one word; she goes to the hospital.
Her retreating form tells me everything.
The girl is tightly clutching the amulet.
The girl is crying, not saying anything; I just stare, helpless.
I can’t even say “Cheer up” to her, not one word; she goes to the hospital.
Her retreating form tells me everything.
May 16
Still unconscious, the situation has changed.
The likelihood of being saved has dropped to 10%.
I’m about to make funeral arrangements in Kyoto.
I have not yet gone to the interview, I escape for a while.
At 4 p.m., I call the girl.
“Tomorrow at 1:00 or 3:00, I’ll do the interview.”
After hanging up the phone,
So that I don’t forget these feelings, I’m writing them down.
The silence still hurts.
Still unconscious, the situation has changed.
The likelihood of being saved has dropped to 10%.
I’m about to make funeral arrangements in Kyoto.
I have not yet gone to the interview, I escape for a while.
At 4 p.m., I call the girl.
“Tomorrow at 1:00 or 3:00, I’ll do the interview.”
After hanging up the phone,
So that I don’t forget these feelings, I’m writing them down.
The silence still hurts.
Japanese:
目が覚めたらおもいっきり殴ってやります
When I regain consciousness, I will strike with all of my strength.
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